Hey yall! Its been a while. So Sorry! Holidays, New Year, activities, volunteering, planning, the list goes on. Lets get to it! Story Time!!
I say all the time that value my relationships. Even ex romantic relationships. Although a romantic relationship may end badly, somehow we still end up being friends years later. Its a gift and a curse. But you have to know how to have good boundaries. Ah boundaries. My favorite. One of my strengths is being a good listener. Chile, these men test my listening skills often. A couple months ago I received a call from an ex that I hadnt heard from in years. I was out with my family but I stepped away to answer it because we hadnt talked in forever. I really just answered to have a 30 second conversation and then tell him I would call him later. NOPE! Homeboy ended up talking about his issues with his children, baby mom issues work issues and the list goes on. How do you call someone and just dump your issues on to them like that?! I was in public so I was choosing my words carefully. Trying not to offend him. Quickly told him I was out with family and that I had to go. Of course he apologized but he also was inconsiderate and didnt ask if I could talk before he unloaded his problems.
Fast forward to a couple days later, he texted me asking if I had time to talk. Ok, better. I responded that we could talk but I did not have the emotional capacity to be his therapist tonight. Boom. Ladies and Gents that is effectively how you set boundaries. The first conversation he caught me off guard. I was prepared this time.
We have to be careful to not others weigh us down. Too many times, my friends and I trade stories about men who will randomly call and then all of sudden you feel weighed down by their problems. I cant carry your emotional baggage sir. I have my own.
I guess youre wondering what did the guy say when I told him I couldnt be his therapist? He said danngg I wasnt calling to do that. Why would you say that? I told him how thats exactly what happened the last time and I wasnt going to allow it to happen again. We talked about other things and the conversation went smoothly.
Setting boundaries doesnt come easy. It takes practice and some feelings may get hurt. Remember to always say things in love and kindness.