Holidays can be extremely difficult for me. Some years, I breeze on through. Other years, whew I can barely make it. This holiday season seems to be “I can barely make it.” As a child, holidays felt fun, free, exciting.. as an adult.. not so much.
For Thanksgiving, I was going back and forth trying to decide whether to travel or stay home. A part of me was excited, duh, travel of course. The day of, I was not prepared for my emotions that would soon come. As soon as I opened my eyes, I instantly felt the absence of my mom for the holiday. Even through bouts of sadness and tears, I pressed on.
That night, while in a room full of people, I held back tears multiple times. Fighting to say present; to be grateful. I was aware that I was the only one showing up without a significant other or kids. Just me. Again. No parents, no significant other and no kids. Stay present, I kept reminding myself.
As I reflected over the night, I realized I was in a space where gratefulness and sadness both existed. And although it could be worse, I definitely wished it was better 😊
3 thoughts on “Gloomy but I’m Grateful”
It does strike hard when you are in a space and feel alone when you are solo. As if you are “othered” though no one is actively making you feel that way. Your post resonated with me more than you know. Hugs.
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Thank you! Sending you hugs back